Leprosy.

"Large crowds followed Jesus as he came down the mountainside. Suddenly, a man with leprosy approached him and knelt before him. “Lord,” the man said, “if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.” Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” And instantly the leprosy disappeared." [Matthew 8]

I read this yesterday. The day before a friend and I had talked about how we all just need to go to God and say look, I'm dirty but you can clean me. But we all try to become better on our own first. So when I read this it caught me off guard- I wasn't expecting a story about leprosy to speak so directly to my heart. I fight so much to keep my distance from God, and I try to make myself better before I go to him for help. Hoping maybe he won't have to help me as much and that will somehow make me a better person. When in reality all I'm doing is causing a greater seperation between myself and Yahweh.

I find it so ironic that Yahweh sits there waiting- wait, I find it ironic how he constantly comes after us- but he still waits for us to turn to him. And yet, we keep running. He won't make me give him my heart. He won't force me into prayer and reading scripture. He's not like that.

"I am willing," he said.

That's what he is like. He is willing. The moment we turn to him he wants to reassure us that he is willing. He is willing to heal us, willing to take the pain, willing to love us. In the scripture above the phsyical illness was healed instantly but that doesn't guarantee that Yahweh is going to heal me instantly or heal you instantly, instead it is a promise that you and I will both be healed. Before anything can take place though, we have to make a move towards Yahweh.

“Lord,” the man said, “if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.”

This is where I am right now. I have to go to Yahweh saying, "if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean." And I know that Yahweh is going to say, "I am willing." I've turned to him before, but each time holding my doubts in my hand, reluctant to let them go as well. Our lives are changed by moving towards the Lord and allowing his love and healing to cause a permanant change instead of attempting to help our situation and forcing temporary changes in our lives.

Even so, the changes in my life have been small they've been from the heart of Yahweh and thats what matters to me right now.