I must admit that I am what most people would consider sketchy and skeptical. I don't really fit into any formed molds and I don't really believe there are many absolute truths. I really have caused a lot of people to question whether or not I even have a belief system at all. I do. Surprised?
I've really been caught on some different passages that deal with similar heart issues.
1. Matthew 8:18-22 When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he instructed his disciples to cross to the other side of the lake. Then one of the teachers of religious law said to him, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." But Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head." Another of his disciples said, "Lord, first let me return home and bury my father." But Jesus told him, "Follow me now. Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead."
2. Matthew 9:36-38 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. He said to his disciples, "The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields."
3. Matthew 10:37- 39 "If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.
4. Matthew 11:28-30 Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
I think about these verses a lot when I am praying about what I need to be doing with my life in ministry. I know that I need to be working with inner city young adults but I have a big fear of going to a city I don’t know. It hasn’t bothered me too much moving to a new place for college because it seems relatively temporary and that eases my fear of being so distant from where my safety net is. I get thinking about how much I would fear being in an unknown place, doing ministry, serving people I’m not familiar with, and that drives me away from being flexible and open to where God wants to place me.
It’s not a surprise to God when he goes "follow me" and we go "okay, but let me do this first". Or "okay, but with these terms and conditions, sign on the dotted line." Jesus never told his disciples okay- do what you think you need to do first and then join me- he basically went listen, what you want to do isn’t what you really need to do. "let the spiritually dead bury their own dead"
Eh, after all of my rambling you probably don’t understand what I’m trying to get at because I haven’t had the time to collectively put together all of my thoughts. In short, I have this great debate in my head and my heart.
Does my family mean more to me than following God’s will? Am I praying for people to go out into the fields to harvest when I’m supposed to go myself? Am I clinging to my life, knowing that I will eventually lose it? Am I fearful that the burden of the Lord is too heavy? Am I trying to bury my dead?
There are a lot of big cities out there that need people who are following God and his dream for their lives. In my head there are only two. In my heart there is only one.
"If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine." -Jesus
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