two chairs over.

I had to get my blood drawn today. So as any person would do I went to the doctor's office, was immediately directed to the labratory where I registered, and then proceeded to find a place to sit down and wait. I looked around and found a chair to sit in- exactly one seat away from the nearest person. Everyone else had strategically placed themselves separated from the next person by one chair as well.

I laughed to myself as I thought- we live in a one chair world now don't we? And then I thought- how long will we continue to separate ourselves by one chair? Keeping people at a distance by one lie, or one excuse, or one chair? How long will we keep God at a distance by refusing to give up a day, or a minute, or even a few seconds?

Do we live in a world where we desire personal comfort over companionship? Are we so concerned with the things in our day or consumed by our thoughts to recognize the needs of a stranger? Will we ever allow ourselves to step out of our comfort zone to reach the person sitting two chairs over?

even the blind

Eyes illuminated through blindness
Even the deaf man hears the sadness
A cripple cries out for pieces of change
The addict looking for her next dime
Each of them asking begging for the time
And time passes by as I
Choose to ignore the broken Saviour
He is the harlot lost between the sheets
A criminal chained in shackles
Will I serve on bent knees
To wash the feet of the least of these
Will I run with empty hands
To hold the wounds of that man
Will I turn the other cheek
When I'm found beaten on the street
Will I go to darkened roads
To a place where the city lights
Cannot illuminate the darkness

thanks.

I've been craving intimacy with God lately. I mean intimacy more than a short prayer or reading time...I've just been needing God- constantly. I've always heard of God being comfort and shelter and stuff like that. But I never understood and I've never needed it more. I've come to realize that in the position I am in- I could be in a more compromising postition. Or in complete trouble anyways.

There are a few people to whom I owe huge thank you's.
I know it's cliche- and im usually anti-cliche- but I really must include God in this. Like seriously- if I were Him- I'd never do the crazy stuff he does in the name of love. So- its a good think I'm not- because I'd be a horrible God.

Amanda- thanks for informing me about the wonders 'drugs' did for you. and for telling me its okay to need them or to try them. thanks for dragging me to church on sunday mornings- I wouldnt have gone otherwise. thanks for the nights to tim's and the times of complete venting and laughter. thanks for your trust.

the many pastors I talk with- thanks for inviting me to share with you and thanks for sharing with me. I appreciate it. I've learned so much from you all within the past few weeks. You do- what as of now only dream of doing.

Jerry- thanks for being so cool with my wreckless behavior- yet intolerant at the same time. I appreciate that you never really went off on me. A few times we've had disagreements and discussions- but I've always benefited from them. Thanks for in some ways inviting me to hang out in other ways forcing me to leave my apartment. from the late night talks- to taking my blades- to giving me your bible to read. thank you for trusting me- and allowing me to trust you.

Robbie- bro. I miss you like crazy. I love you. Thanks for all of the prayers, talks, and gifts of love. I am thankful for all of the advice and for your brotherly love.

dream.

What do I dream of?
i dream of coffee house relationships
i dream of being an author
i dream of being more than a pastor
i dream of being a friend, a person to confide in
i dream of organizing a small group
i dream of living the city life
i dream of having a masters degree
i dream of earning a doctorate
i dream of so many things.
what do you dream of?

Even so.

The world in which I live causes my heart to break. Every day I see people who laugh at the cross, who foolishly ignore the message. For as scripture says it is foolishness to those who are perishing. This is another issue that causes my heart to feel both heavy and light. This brokenness is heavy- often times more than what I feel I can handle. Even so, this brokenness is what I desire. A broken heart is a heart that longs for Yahweh. Pure in love. Honest in prayer. Patient in affliction. Open in worship. Disciplined, yet hopeful. Out of this position of the heart comes my sense of calling. My sense of belonging. It's the thing that drives my passion for people. Even the people I don't know.

I've been praying a really simple prayer lately. It's only a few lines long, but it's straight from the heart.

Yahweh-
the desire of my heart is to know yours.
your love is my lifesong.
your grace is my freedom.
reveal to me my passions,
show me your heart.

he is certainly greater than you, the clay

We all live in a world where fantasy is most often defeated by reality. Too bad, eh?

"And so the Lord says,
'These people say they are mine.
They honor me with their lips,
But their hearts are far from me.
And their worship of me
is nothing but man-made rules learned by rote.'"

"What sorrow awaits those who try to hide their
plans from the Lord,
who do their evil deeds in the dark!
'The Lord can't see us,' they say.
'He doesn't know what's going on!'
How foolish can you be?
He is the Potter, and he is certainly greater
than you, the clay!
Should the created thing say of the one who
made it,"He didn't make me"?
Does a jar ever say,
"The potter who made me is stupid"? [Isaiah 29:13 & 29:15-16]

Somedays, I feel like my worship is nothing more than words leaving my mouth or thoughts streaming through my head. And somedays I truly feel like I'm connecting with God in a way I've never met with him before. And somedays, I really do mean the words I'm saying or I rejoice in the thoughts I have about God but I don't feel like God's present. Even so, I know my worship is more than rules made by man. I know I've been drawing near to God with words that please him, worship him, honor him and so much more. I'm not trying to hide anything from him. I'm not trying to tell him I know how to do it. I'm not trying to change his plans to fit my plans. In fact- all I am trying to do is find out what his plan is so I can change mine. For the Potter truly is greater than the clay.

You see- I delight in God. My Father. My Saviour. And I want him to know that. Just as he wants me to know- and you to know- that he delights in you. He delights in every aspect of your life. For as a potter delights in creating a new vase or a new jar- Yahweh delights in changing you-molding you to be like him. He delights in us. Crazy. But true.

Take some time to delight in God today- don't tell him he's a stupid potter- instead allow him to create something new in your heart.

to you. (but only in half)

You’re a marvelous being a creature even to science unknown
Sure you have a DNA code and fingerprints your own
Yet your faith is not complete
You fear defeat
Unspoken fears of definite failure
Though you won’t there
Don’t forget that your life is not you’re own
Called to let your light be shown
Cities of darkness churches gone down
Yet there are people in one certain town
With every breath you feel your heartbeat
Intensifies with every person you meet
The desire to go, to tackle the unknown
Fear, Anxiety, the soul’s unheard moan
You want to dance with gladness
But you’ve been handed days of sadness
Into your relationships it all permeates
Constantly reminding you of feelings you hate
It has to be painful watching from the outside
With unexplainable feelings on the inside
Seeing your dreams in the distance
Being on the other side of the fence
When will you let it go
Yahweh has so much more to show
Be insecure, doubt, and even fear
Allow Yahweh to draw near
You’ll do just fine
You’ll see this in time
Walk on the waters of the sea named doubt
Don’t take your eyes off of the one who casts it out
This you already know
You’ve told me so
Just trust and believe
Spend some time on your knees
Be patient and daring
Never give up on caring
One day you’ll look back and laugh
The times you believed- but only in half.